THE PAIN

today was the saddest day of my life. baby has never done this to me before and it hurts a lot. i've never cried this bad when i am with him. oh my god. i couldn't believe that it happened. its like a nightmare. the words that came out from his mouth was just so fucked up. i just kept quiet and cried. i am sorry baby. even though its not my fault, i am still sorry as per usual cause you will never even say sorry if its your fault. just don't leave me.

i just feel like all this while, i am leaving in misery and you don't even know it. nobody knows it. everyone see us as a loving couple but they don't know how much and how many times i was hurt and sacrifice all just for you. i never wanna put it all up in here because i don't want people to know your flaws. but i just cannot take it cause i am feeling damn down now.

sometimes you said you loved me and i admit, i do feel the love. but when we quarreled, i asked you if u love me and you said no. in my whole entire love life, no one has ever said something that would make me remember for the whole of my life. even when i am happy with you at some moment, deep inside me, i still have those feelings of sadness by how the way to talk things to me.

yes, i love you for who you are and i accept you for who you are but, do you?

baby, no matter what happens, no matter how you treat me or make my life so miserable, i still want you. i've been very patient for god knows how patient i am for more then a year with you. i gave in in everything that you've done and when i make one smallest mistake, you make it as if i've made a huge mistake. whereas, all this while, those mistakes you did was much more worst then me.

well, its okay. i would rather take the blame, take everything down with me and suffer alone. i know i may sound crazy but hey people, this is the truth. it may not sound like its me cause i changed. i changed completely. from the one who always do shit things, say shit stuffs and don;t care about what will happen to someone whose so patient and just keep quiet even though i have to fight for my rights.

i am beginning to be so weak from the start of this relationship. i guess, its karma. what my boyfriend did was what i did to my previous ex(s). even worst i must say. so i just have to accept it.

i hope one day, with all my patience, you'll realize, think through everything and change for good. insyallah.

forever and always, i love you baby, with all my heart till eternity and beyond.